Monogamy is bad for the soul

Monogamy is bad for the soul

23 Nov 2004

The panel debates the motion: Monogamy is bad for the soul. Chaired by Joan Bakewell.

Arguing for the motion are Rod Liddle, Jack Klaff, and Anthony Grayling.

Rod Liddle argues that monogamy is a socially- and economically-imposed constraint, historically invented by our ancestors. The nuclear family was once essential to, for example, the development of husbandry and the Industrial Revolution, but is now far less crucial to the successful function of society.

Exclusively using testimonies from women, Jack Klaff argues that Monogamy (capital M) is the epitome of the three tyrannies – religion, state, and the family – with the added judgement of the media and society. The problem is not sex; rather it is the attempt to shoe-horn humans into a rigid, unnatural system.

Anthony Grayling says that the true meaning of the word monogamy is one marriage in a lifetime; not ‘serial’ monogamy, that is, being married to one person at one time. Arguing against monogamy does not mean that you are arguing in favour of promiscuity. Instead, it means allowing for the possibility of divorce – enabling us to change our minds and to escape bad relationships.

Arguing against the motion are Rowan Pelling, Taki Theodoracopulos and Howard Jacobson.

Rowan Pelling says that monogamy is about respecting the person you love most in the world. Sharing yourself with someone else is a deep betrayal; and betrayal is bitter and bad for the soul. She concludes by remarking that monogamy is like democracy: it is the worst possible system, until you think of the alternatives.

Taki Theodoracopulos asserts that monogamy is good for the soul because it means health, peace of mind and immortality. Monogamous people, he argues, are happier and richer than their polygamous counterparts, who tend to engage in more harmful behaviours. Instead, romance, courtship and chivalry are the keys to immortality.

Howard Jacobson believes that the motion is premised on twin fallacies: the fallacy of the insatiability when it comes to wanting, and the capaciousness of giving when it comes to a man. He believes that fidelity – the act of seeing all women in one woman, the ability to distinguish one from the many – is the height of erotic sophistication. Monogamy is therefore not only good for the soul, it is the means by which we discover we have a soul.

First Vote: 219 For, 297 Against, 218 Don’t Know.

Final Vote: 192 For, 418 Against, 131 Don’t Know.

The motion is defeated by 226 votes.

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